A New Independence

Yesterday I felt that I could really celebrate a personal independence. Too often we wear our masks and try to be something we're not in an attempt to have a good time. Atleast that was how I felt when I was with Poodle and his family, like a third wheel trying desperately to keep up. I would have never known there was a group of people who clung to the simpler pleasures in life: a good thunderstorm watched from the garage, a game of horse-shoe, a few cold beers, a teetering baby chasing after a harmless english bulldog, and a few huge biscuits made from scratch. At first I felt guilty spending so much time with Buck, it seemed that we were going too fast. Dylan made a comment on my last post that helped put things in perspective. Who's to say that we're not going too slow? I wanted to know how Buck felt about me sleeping over every night so, again, I tested him. I told him that I felt guilty and I that he would probably get more sleep if I slept in my apartment that night, though I obviously didn't want to. He was too cute! He groaned and kicked his feet a bit under the covers and starred at me as I started to put my clothes on, "Why would you go and do that? You seem to sleep better down here anyways. I feel like I must be the luckiest man on the planet when you're lying next to me. Plus, you'll just be lying in your bed dreamin' of my ass." And once again I kicked my pants off and climbed back up into bed with him. Now, it's pretty much understood everynight that I'll be sleeping with him, and I do sleep a lot better. I especially like those last twenty minutes after the alarm goes off when he presses the snooze button and wraps his arms around me. He's threatened to call in sick every day this week but I won't let him. This morning we were lying on the couch watching a movie when he was supposed to already be heading to his dad's house. He picked up the phone to call his dad and tell him he was sick, but I made him go on.

Last night I had a great time. We went to his boss' for a big dinner and a few hours just lounging around the pool. I learned how to play Horse-shoe and got alittle closer to his friends. I was on-call yesterday and this weekend and I ended up receiving a call from a woman who's mother is about to pass away. I had to disappear for about five minutes to speak with her on the phone, when I came back to the pool Buck's boss told me that he believed me to be the perfect person to handle such a sensitive job and that he wished I'd be the one to take care of his arrangements when the time comes, which is the best compliment a mortician can receive. We left his house around 9 and went to the lake just in time for an impromptu memorial service for a late veteran and a tribute ceremony for a few service men there last night, afterwards we said the pledge and settled down for the fireworks. Buck and I sat on the beach and, despite the mosquitos and being paranoid that the hospice nurse was going to call me, I had the time of my life. On the way back home I told Buck that if I were to die right now he needed to know that this was the happiest I'd been in years. He held my hand the entire drive back home, and just for the record, he reached for my hand. He's such a tragic sap.